So. Hi guys!! This is my first entry! By the time I finish writing this, it'll already pretty much be tomorrow, but that's not what matters here. This'll be like my entry for Tuesday, and then tomorrow I'll do one at like eight or some other time earlier than midnight.

I'm off school right now - hello, freedom! It's nice to think about, but then I remember I'll be back in five days anyway and it kinda crushes my spirits a bit. Oh, well. You can't have you cake and eat it and then eat it again, can you? Either way, today was pretty empty - I worked on an Ace Attorney Online fancase and didn't do much else. I accidentally scratched myself with a rusty pair of tweezers (not immensely rusty like. a 3/10 rust rating) and I had like a mini panic attack hoping I didn't contract tetanus or something, but I'm sure I'm in the clear. It's stil kinda annoying that this is the second possibly rusty thing that's made me shed a small bit of blood in the past few days (although the first time was just a lack of resources) which hopefully isn't gonna bring any misfortune. I beseech ye, o deities above, spare me of ailments!

Shit's down, as always. Spent ages making this page, lying in bed, doing nothing. Woke up at 11am because I was up til 3 last night, which was a shocker for me when I checked the clock. Honestly, I wish I could still stay up til 5 every night like I was two years ago. Time flies, eh? Of course, being 13, saying that's kinda like, you know, speak for yourself - there's people out there double your age who're still young. But I guess it's a feeling that stays with you. If we always were getting younger, we'd think "Wow! Look how young I am!" as time passed too, because we see that like relatively, I guess.

I'm thankful for Noctourniquet (friend) whose helped me through tough times as I try to help her, as well as being an amazing friend who I'm incredibly grateful for. I'm grateful for the cold, for being there to help me through the warmth when it was too hot, and I'm grateful for the internet, a gentle teacher who taught me so much when I felt as though I'd learned nothing.

Entry finished 12:14am, Tuesday 27th of May, 2025

Second day writing one of these! I'm starting to get the hang of keeping myself disciplined to upload one of these daily... even though it's only been two days. I've not been doing much in the time I have off school, but the crippling backlog of homework I have to do is slowly creeping up from behind and I honestly can't be asked to do it but at the same time I have to. Life is cruel and we are all gonna die!

There's not anything to say for today honestly - I worked on my fan case, polished up some music I made, and in all seriousness, didn't do much else. I woke up a bit earlier today which is a start, but half term fucks up my sleep schedule every time so I doubt that'll be lasting long. Why, oh why, do I love sleep but hate doing it? Mysteries, mysteries.

Had a piano lesson. We covered two of the three pieces I'm preparing for my exam at the end of the year. My back was apparently really tight the whole time, which is annoying because abdominal rigidness is a symptom of tetanus and I REALLY don't wanna get a practically life-ruining infection because I couldn't be bothered to clean something. On the plus side, tetanus is like super rare, so I doubt I have it, especially because the thing I injured myself with hasn't been outside much. Admittedly, neither have I.

I guess time is gonna keep flowing by, but I feel lately as though I want time to stop, to kinda be able to hold it in my hand and control it, but I know that's impossible. I find myself wanting to be able to stop the world. Maybe it's just me being weird again and I probably have some form of disorder but noooo I'd never do that.

Subliminals, subliminals, subliminals. I actually believe in those youtube audios, and to be honest, I'm pretty sure they work. I've been listening to them pretty consistently.

I find myself thinking about my crush a lot. Is it normal to have multiple crushes?

I'm grateful for Goro for being a nice guy, and I'm sorry for the times I've pissed him off. I'm grateful for QAAA, for paving the way for so much creativity to bloom, and I send my condolences to the family of Carnage Onred. I'm grateful for love, for bringing joy to a world of sadness.

Entry finished 11:14pm, Wednesday 28th of May, 2025

I can't lie, today was eventful but kinda shit. It started with me waking up and being a vegetable in bed for about an hour before my mom came in and told me today was a holy day of obligation (Ascension Day) which meant I HAD to go to church. I wasn't really opposed to the idea, especially since Mass was at noon instead of that God awful 11:15am schedule they usually have for mass. I arrived, did mass, everything was fine.

Went home, worked on my case, worked on some music, talked with r/felts crew as per usual, and then around 7pm, I realised my friend's status was "finna kill myself" and he was asking about how to cut. I was suddenly super worried and DMed him about it because obviously I don't want him to kill himself. He was super unserious about the whole thing, which just worried me even more until he went offline. That is also coupled with ANOTHER guy I know who said they'd kill themselves which immediately put some gloom over the situation, and we still don't know if he's alive. I'm hoping he decided not to, and that he found a better reason to live.

I also don't know if my other friend's ok. I feel like they're slipping through my fingers; it feels horrible. I don't want them to throw away everything they have going for them just because of something going on in their lives. It may not be my place to speak, but I hope they're ok.

That's really all I did on Thursday, 29th of May. I'm grateful for medicine, for being able to keep us in good health, I'm grateful for my tongue for letting me speak, I'm grateful for plants for giving us oxygen to breathe.

Entry finished 12:28am, Friday 30th of May, 2025

12:24am, Saturday 31st of May, 2025

I didn't do much today. I won't be able to sleep today. If one soul vanished from a pool of life's water, no one would notice, but the water level would decrease, subtly.

I'm grateful for pointy objects, for teaching me caution. I'm grateful for the cold. I'm grateful for life and death.

Entry finished 11:33pm, Saturday 31st of May, 2025